Friday, June 10, 2016

How to Apologize when you really F&6% Up.

At one point or another....
We have all F*%*d Up.
For real.
Admit it. We are human and we were born to er make mistakes.
This is part of our evolution as spiritual beings having a human experience.

But admitting when you have been wrong or wronged in the dance of life
with someone well, that's the first part of being an active participant in any relationship.
Not just the intimate kind but the friendship or acquaintance kind the work ones and the good old family vibes kind!

I'm talking mutual relationships...all of them.

As you know, in life things often go awry.
Sometimes even horrifically.
One persons stress can mean another persons nightmare.
Miscommunication blossoms from bad moods or misunderstanding and sometimes it's just circumstances beyond anyone's control.
Then, temperatures flare.  Ego's are bruised.
Vows of silence are silently sworn  and to some, apologies just don't seem like the right thing to do. Ever.

Insert (Ghosting).  Gasp!

However.  If you were once in a loving spot....or good standing...
or in a space where you called each other family....or best friends whatever the context of the relationship no one is perfect and  we will almost always say things that we later regret.
There are times when our intentions are also not well received.

Shi* happens.

When things have gone south in a way that we did not intend or for see,
unfortunately in the 'heat' of the moment,
something stupid can pop out of your mouth.
You goof.
You say $hi* that is totally inappropriate while you are seeing red.

Guess what?  To save yourself, your karma and another feelings,
an apology is more or order.
But how?

Step 1) Say that you F$&d up.
Admit it.
That is raw and real and yeah....the no less than the truth.
Accountability is the new black.
Yep. I said it.  Be accountable.  It's sexy.

If you come to the table however with an idea of an apology that is designed for the other person to feel bad for all the feeling bad and for holding you in contempt well,
that was just manipulation and a poor way of moving on and you need to check yourself at the front, loving door.  That will only add insult to injury and no body likes salt in their wounds.

Step 2) Sincerely APOLOGIZE.
Saying your sorry means that you are truly SORRY.
Admitting where you went wrong; i.e.; I am so sad that this happened and was hoping for your forgiveness will come across way better than don't you miss your best friend?
The first statement is seeking forgiveness while the second half of the sentence is bullshit.
Check this vid out for more wise words on that:

Step 3)  Give it time and space.
When you hit your head you need to heal.
When you have a cold you need to heal.
Healing takes time and is an essential part of the growing process.
In that time if you naturally grow back together than you can count on this relationship evolving further in the future.

If in the healing process you still feel icky or the other person acts out by badmouthing you, makes threats or treats you like garbage in front of other people, well all I can attest to is the following:
      1)The way they conduct their business shows a lot more about them then it does about you.  If you have admitting the fault in your stars and it's years later and they are still throwing a tantrum to any willing ear, there is a stake in the claim of victim hood that they need to hold on for ego's validation.  
    2) Some relationships have an expiration date.  People can come in and out of our lives but if neither or one of the other is unwilling to work things out in the name of LOVE then the lesson is in the departure.  It's OUCH but true.

Step 4) Ask yourself and/or your Higher Power to forgive all parties involved.
Absolve everyone from the karmic ties of the drama bomb that dropped.
It's a key factor in anyone's spiritual growth and most often harder to do that saying your sorry.
Here's a great relationship meditation by
Gabby Bernstien to do the work.

Step 5) Ask yourself and your Higher Power how you can definitely become a better person after this instance.  How can you become an even better friend, co-worker, lover or sister from the crazy thing that transpired?  What can you own and take accountability for?
In the wake of any and all devastation being responsible for your part in the matter is responsible.

How do you deal with things when $#*t hits the fan in order to make things right again?
Leave a note in the comments below or share your love here.

As always, I leave you with all my love.

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