I'm The Champion Of My Flaws. Don't Censor Me

I hit a wall. A glass one really.
It left blood, dark red blood running down my freckled face.
I didn't recognize my reflection in the mirror for a few days.
My body felt an array of wants and needs in the hours that
followed the incident that would scar my daughter and I.
Finally, I'm feeling back to normal, but I am forever altered.

I fried my computer.  I dumped an entire glass of lemon water on it.
I am without my loving companion for weeks now unable to write through that which I am processing.

I lost a huge chunk of money. 
I'm still healing from surgery and those bills, well, they are rolling in!

I pulled the carpet of red, loving patience out from under a romance I was waiting for months to happen.
In the most casual of arena's I played along and when I was vulnerable and needed a friend I was on the recieving end of nothing being censored once again to speak my truth. I took off my rose colored glasses and smashed them on the floor. I gave my mother and everyone who told me to be patient with the beast the middle finger. Then I toasted myself with a glass of wine.

Purposefully running into several hands (or arms or auras)
of spiritual friends and teachers, ironically I left them feeling even more angry.
According to all but one - I was oozing negativity and yes, it was all my fault.

Why am I sharing this with you? This doesn't sound like the positive super cool affirming, community supporting gal that we've come to know.

Because if I didn't then I wouldn't be telling you or living my truth.  Which is: I am human.
Yes, I was blessed with a unique gift.  I've done my fair share of spiritual work to learn how to go deeper and connect others between realms with it. But I am inherently flawed.  I am not perfect and I honor that my divinity and my purpose is in the process of me - living.

With the very few people I shared my most recent earthquakes or mercury shits with, I was told to "stay in the light" or "you did this to yourself because you're not protecting yourself enough!"

The lava that bubbled within my heart burst into revelation
 that screamed to me louder than the mediums, healers or readers in my presence.

Not with cliches, tarot cards or hopeful thinking.

This REDvelation brought in part by Red Hot & Holy - A Heretic's Love Story by Sera Beak.
As always I do believe that our teachers come forward when we need them the most. Sera just happened to show up right on divine time.

I had been so happy, so positive, pulling in miracle laden affirmations, polishing my gratitude list and floating on all the goodness that I live on a daily basis.  But these humanly human things erupted and it couldn't be more clear that sometimes we have to get our hands dirty, our faces bloody and our hearts broken and heal these things in order to continue our soul's work.

Then it hit me like freight train......

All this staying in the light and counting my miracles was great spiritual exercise but as it stands here, today - right now  it wasn't my soul's work.  It was an excercise, a bridge.  I'm on the other side lovingly waving back to some, flipping off others.

Last week, my soul screamed from the top of Mansion house hill while I walked my dog.  
Tears poured down my face.  
The reality of it is - process doesn't even make us perfect.  Being human just is.
The positive way of living will never dodge the negative fully.  Yin must have it's yang.
We can't control other people or their opinions of us regardless of our shimmery, glittery intentions. And the world will send us bills no matter what part of the Law Of Attraction we are studying or honoring.

It's in our soul where we will truly find the answer that we already inherently know. We need not look outside ourselves for loving affirmation or lesson or confirmation because even in the most intimiate relationships and sacred of loving, healing spaces it may not be there.

In light of all this, I was told in not so many terms to watch what I say. 
But dear ones.... if I did - how then would I truly be honoring my soul?  
How authentic really would that make me?  

From this day forward, I committ to me.  To my soul's work and her journey of being human as mystical, goofy, unique, badass, weird, witchy, crazy or dance till I'm blue in the freckled face as that is.
I'm showing up.  Uncensoring myself.  Giving my soul permission to be.

Mick G


Popular posts from this blog

4 Reasons Why Badmouthing Others is BAD For YOU.

Dear "Light Worker" You're Not Going to Want To Read This

The Sum of all Jitters