Saturday, November 30, 2013

Living With An STD

You may want a glass of wine or a double espresso
to get ready for this early morning over share.

At dinner last night one of my friends 
who is recently divorced was throwing his ex wife under the bus.... yet again.  
This particular gentleman and I have known each other, grown together and at one time exchanged vows so to speak of taking a bullet for on another should that day ever come. 
However, listening to him be so down on love and marriage for the umpteenth time 
I had to speak my truth.  "Just because you picked the wrong person once doesn't mean you can't make it better or have better."

I thought this was the most loving, gentle response to his situation.  
He can't seem to make his ex wife not wrong (though on so many levels she was).  
But knowing him, as his friend for two decades and for a handful of years his confident, it takes/took two to tango.

His response to me was devastating. 

     "Well good luck on your journey.  You really think that you are going to find someone to be with, with that thing that you have? Talking to dead people and all your shaman talk and stuff?  Don't you think that when you find someone you're going to have to drop all of that?"

His words hit me like a 12 car freight train filled with explosives pulling 3 tractor trailers filled with sheet rock that collided in slow motion then exploded dead in my chest cavity.  
My eyes welled up with tears and I tried to set him on fire with my mind bullets but I couldn't.

When I opened my mouth, the following flowed out like it had been freed from a cage deep within me and once it left my lips, I realized it was my truth.

"Don't you think I know that I wear this Spiritual STD on my sleeve?"

My friends laughed. A lot.  But I didn't.  
When the divorcee got up to attend to his business, our friend 
turned to me immediately. 
     "You know he was kidding right?"

     "No. He wasn't. Or he wouldn't have said it. Half of what you say is always true."

"The STD thing is hilarious though."  He chuckled. "Seriously, brilliant."

"Yes but it's also lonely and hilarious." I replied.

Those closest to me know that LOVE is not only my ministry but it also seems to be my biggest lesson on every front, in every corner of every relationship I'm in ever: Family, business, romantic hell, even bank teller.

There are deep and dark holes some of which can't be filled with enough forgiveness, forget-ness or flexibility which is how I teach others to bring more LOVE into their lives and is what seems to be my own personal cross to carry.

Then there is the comedy to which is my personal romantic life
which if ever I had a reality TV show dating as an intuitive medium, single mom - 
would be my angle cause I couldn't make this stuff up.  
The hilarity and the OMG WTF is happening on a daily basis ensues.  I shake my head and sigh.
Listening to clients with their romantic problems makes me gulp thinking how easy they actually have it.  When others ask me "can't you see" over my own issue or lack there of the answer is NO.  
My relationships are my own assignments and in each and every single one is some kind of nugget of LOVE to which I have to learn about more, or less or both.  The things I'm shown over them, if anything are usually the dark, hurtful things that crop op when it's time to not fix things with the L word and move on.

My spirituality, my openness and my willingness to LOVE in all it's forms has become or is 
I should say a stigma. (STD)
I won't lie. I've thought about running away and starting over perhaps just getting a regular ole desk job and pretending like none of this ever happened 
in hopes that my own version of prince charming would appear.

And even though I think finding a husband or a partner to share my "holy crap you wouldn't believe what F*n happened today!" would be an awesome adventure and gigglefest of a rabbit hole I'd love to go down while dancing....
the above..the cubicle, the normal...the ho hum
just isn't me.

It's not WHO I am.
It's not what my soul wants even though my 
heart would LOVE otherwise.

Last night stung.
I'm not going to lie.  The men I meet want to keep me a secret, want to find out what I can see or say about them then they ditch when I won't or don't oblige or they realize 23-28 year olds in a six pack formation are way more fun then all this seriousness. 

I may or may not have cried to Katy Perry's "Unconditional" on the drive home. (I know so dramatic!)

Ok but why am I embarrassing the hell out of myself and telling you any of this?
Because it's my truth and that's how I show up for you.
This is who I am, as real as me gets. It's not all dead people and roses and fun!
It's actually a lot of shitty shit, a lot of shitty things thrown at me and I still wear a smile through it
 not because I'm fake and I'm putting on airs in order to make money and get by 
but because I WANT to. 

I want to continue to serve my community and you.
This is the life I choose.
I choose not normal.
I choose Shamans over drinking in bars and
boys with fancy cars and horrible cologne and taste in music.

I choose who and what is in my life right now no matter what the story or why.

I choose my ME - my STD.
It suites me way better than conforming. 
Don't you think?


***** PLEASE NOTE that STD is NOT to be taken LITERALLY.  I am sexually transmitted disease FREE****  THANK YOU.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

28 Things I'm certainly NOT thankful for.

While posting things I was grateful for throughout the month, 
I saw snarky e cards poking fun at the fact that Facebook is a place where everyone usually bitches 
not brags about what they are grateful for.  
It made a good point 
and it made me giggle.

Here's a list of things I'm not so grateful for in an attempt to make you do the same (giggle!)
Welcome to my dark side.
Happy Thanksgiving.

28 Things I'm certainly not thankful for.

1. Girls who wear tights as pants.  
What the hell?  Get a hold of yourself. Put a skirt over your ass or just wear jeans.  Just because they are black doesn't mean we can't see your big ole butt through em.  

2. Blue eye shadow.  

3. The word Obamacare.  
If I hear it one more time my head is going to explode.

4. Indecisive people.  

5. Scrapple and people who argue that it's "good".  (GROSS!)

6. Redbull and Monster junkies.  Shit is wacked.  
It's like drinking nuclear piss.  
Drink coffee like the rest of us trying to get a handle on it.

7. People who use facebook as a relationship sounding board
.....or everything sucks sounding board.  
I have three words for you.

8. Those who say therapy isn't for them, they don't believe in it or it doesn't work.
HINT - are the ones
that need it the most.

9. Slut wear on saturday does
not translate into church wear sunday.

10. When people tell me I look overwhelmed.

11. When people tell me I look tired.  
I'm going to choke the next person who does. 
public warning. 

12. When people say "You've lost a ton of weight".
A ton is a fucking whale.  
A ton is a fucking whale.
A ton IS a fucking whale.
Are you telling me I looked or weighed something similar to it?  Jesus.

13. People who call themselves or try to aesthetically identify as "Hippies" 
but are actually the most non peaceful, rude angry anti-hippies. The agony and the irony!
Here's directions on how to be a hippy if you really need them.  
In the mean time, if you need to label yourself or identify as a subculture to be different or to be non conformist
SAVAGES may suit you better.

14. Fat girls that are mean.  
I love all shapes, sizes and colors. HELL I've been most of them!
 But when fat girls are mean girls it's the worst.

15. Anime.

16. The fact that everything is made in CHINA and those people are literally chewing their air.

17. People who parent from their iphone.  
I can and probably will write a whole blog on this.  
Stay present mom and dad. 
Don't raise your kids to be techno assholes.
Or assholes.  
The end.

18. Long Island Medium.  While I'm grateful that TV gives light to this phenomenon to which helps others understand the space between worlds, this woman as THE reality tv example of what that is - is a poor, wack-a-doodle version. Her love of material things and being intrusively flashy far outshines her respect for other peoples boundaries, privacy and the respect of her family.  
And her nails make me gag a lil bit. Just sayin.

19.  New Jersey.  

20.  When reporters ask me if I'm goth.  Or misquote me. 

21. Walking into someone else's fart while I'm shopping.  

22. UBER Republicans. 

23. Flakes.

24. People who hide their shit behind, project their shit onto others or quote insanely to prove a point in the name of GOD with a little brown shield called "The Bible."  

25. People who don't curb their dogs.

26. LAZY people.  

27. The aztec sweater trend.  

28. People who hate on other people just because. 
The world is a really shitastic place most days.  
Hate doesn't make it any better. 
Whatever you need to make yourself happy without hurting other people or doing a massive amount of drugs or self medicating- please do it.  
We need more smiles.  
More smiles for miles people. 
Which brings me right back to shiny happy me.  
Be grateful.
In gratitude.  
Thanks for letting me be not thankful for a second. 

For that - I AM THANKFUL.

Happy T day peeps. All my love! XO - Mick G

Friday, November 22, 2013

Credo - SHE

there comes a time when all rumors and
rhyme start to swirl into something that are unholy.
so it's about tic tock that I lay down the hermetic law on this b
and speak to what this 'cosmic d' is TRUTH all about.

i grew up catholic. in this town - both churches - baptized in one, communion in the other. STRONG.
schooled for twelve years, the fear of God was put in me by my teachers, priests, nuns and my father.
To this day,  I honor - respect and adore many aspects of what I was taught.  Jesus, is my brother and then some.

i became angry with him the minute i realized that historically people created war or acted out in violence and hate in his or his father's name.

when 911 hit, i was 3,000 miles from home. I prayed for a sign that God wouldn't have done such a horrible thing no matter who "HE" belonged to or was worshiped by..or how HE was portrayed in The Ten Commandments. And trust me, I watched the movie every Easter forever and ever......(I still crush on Yule that too creepy?)

Immediately after  this horrific when I met HER.

In the dusty book store that I never ventured into on a regular record store run on a regular saturday afternoon on Haight Street....the magnetic pull in my stomach from the sidewalk to to the strange religious section in the unfamiliar, crowded place
and then it stopped....when the book fell into my hands....
the story of a woman, in the music industry who was called by HER.

SHE showed up in my very first reading with a medium before any of my deceased loved ones showed up. Said my life wouldn't be easy but that I didn't need the woman on the end of the receiver to communicate with her...or the ones who walked before me.

SHE has led me down the road less traveled...the one back home.
SHE has shown me more than I was taught in textbooks or could bargain for.

My mother used to watch Charmed when I lived in San Francisco because it made her "think of me".  She nor I....even had an idea......of the foreshadowing in that....

Flash forward to lying on the table while getting my second ultrasound.  When the word's "It's a girl" left the woman's lips I immediately heard a voice whisper in my left ear "Sophia."  The name I picked for a girl was Tracy.

I've met HER over and over again in every woman I meet.
Every shade, shape and glory of HER.
She is not just one, she is ALL.
I understand her compassion, her wisdom, her magic and her miracles and limitlessness.
I've felt her wrath, her solace, her anger and her lust.

To which, I am now going to completely own:

SHE is me.
I am HER.
To be feminine, to be female is magical by birth.

However, I am a total and complete heretic .....(label)
because where I sit/ stand, kneel
There are no labels in this/that/of - to which I exist.

Call me what you want.
Don't call me at all.
So It is.

Know full well that I heard HER call and I accepted
it no matter how hard, ugly, crazy or rainbow-fruit flavored and sunshiny it's been.
She let's me know it's full spectrum. NO joke. Sure I've ducked and covered lipservice that doesn't serve. But being able to walk tall knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen being where I've been, I wouldn't trade this for any other experience in the world.

SHE ain't for the faint of heart.

So be it.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

I'm The Champion Of My Flaws. Don't Censor Me

I hit a wall. A glass one really.
It left blood, dark red blood running down my freckled face.
I didn't recognize my reflection in the mirror for a few days.
My body felt an array of wants and needs in the hours that
followed the incident that would scar my daughter and I.
Finally, I'm feeling back to normal, but I am forever altered.

I fried my computer.  I dumped an entire glass of lemon water on it.
I am without my loving companion for weeks now unable to write through that which I am processing.

I lost a huge chunk of money. 
I'm still healing from surgery and those bills, well, they are rolling in!

I pulled the carpet of red, loving patience out from under a romance I was waiting for months to happen.
In the most casual of arena's I played along and when I was vulnerable and needed a friend I was on the recieving end of nothing being censored once again to speak my truth. I took off my rose colored glasses and smashed them on the floor. I gave my mother and everyone who told me to be patient with the beast the middle finger. Then I toasted myself with a glass of wine.

Purposefully running into several hands (or arms or auras)
of spiritual friends and teachers, ironically I left them feeling even more angry.
According to all but one - I was oozing negativity and yes, it was all my fault.

Why am I sharing this with you? This doesn't sound like the positive super cool affirming, community supporting gal that we've come to know.

Because if I didn't then I wouldn't be telling you or living my truth.  Which is: I am human.
Yes, I was blessed with a unique gift.  I've done my fair share of spiritual work to learn how to go deeper and connect others between realms with it. But I am inherently flawed.  I am not perfect and I honor that my divinity and my purpose is in the process of me - living.

With the very few people I shared my most recent earthquakes or mercury shits with, I was told to "stay in the light" or "you did this to yourself because you're not protecting yourself enough!"

The lava that bubbled within my heart burst into revelation
 that screamed to me louder than the mediums, healers or readers in my presence.

Not with cliches, tarot cards or hopeful thinking.

This REDvelation brought in part by Red Hot & Holy - A Heretic's Love Story by Sera Beak.
As always I do believe that our teachers come forward when we need them the most. Sera just happened to show up right on divine time.

I had been so happy, so positive, pulling in miracle laden affirmations, polishing my gratitude list and floating on all the goodness that I live on a daily basis.  But these humanly human things erupted and it couldn't be more clear that sometimes we have to get our hands dirty, our faces bloody and our hearts broken and heal these things in order to continue our soul's work.

Then it hit me like freight train......

All this staying in the light and counting my miracles was great spiritual exercise but as it stands here, today - right now  it wasn't my soul's work.  It was an excercise, a bridge.  I'm on the other side lovingly waving back to some, flipping off others.

Last week, my soul screamed from the top of Mansion house hill while I walked my dog.  
Tears poured down my face.  
The reality of it is - process doesn't even make us perfect.  Being human just is.
The positive way of living will never dodge the negative fully.  Yin must have it's yang.
We can't control other people or their opinions of us regardless of our shimmery, glittery intentions. And the world will send us bills no matter what part of the Law Of Attraction we are studying or honoring.

It's in our soul where we will truly find the answer that we already inherently know. We need not look outside ourselves for loving affirmation or lesson or confirmation because even in the most intimiate relationships and sacred of loving, healing spaces it may not be there.

In light of all this, I was told in not so many terms to watch what I say. 
But dear ones.... if I did - how then would I truly be honoring my soul?  
How authentic really would that make me?  

From this day forward, I committ to me.  To my soul's work and her journey of being human as mystical, goofy, unique, badass, weird, witchy, crazy or dance till I'm blue in the freckled face as that is.
I'm showing up.  Uncensoring myself.  Giving my soul permission to be.

Mick G

In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...