Under The Knife.

Wellness Weekend has come and gone.
I am tickled at the participation from the sponsors,
the practitioners and event goers. The conversations had, the miracles uncovered, the hearts- opened. Thank you.

Today however is a different tune, my own wellness.  At noon I go under the knife.
I won't disclose any gory details other than this experience
 has shaken me to the core. It brings to the table so much fear, so much uncertainty.
There have been small moments where my ego has been so loud and crazy that it's hard to keep it on a calm, yoga like tip. Prepping for Wellness Weekend and all the hitches and glitches that came along with it made me realize big picture universe wanted me to pay attention to me.
This is not something that comes easy. Especially as a mother, a business owner and someone who tends to LOVE helping others transform past their own fears. The irony!

Being under the knife forces you to reevaluate so much more than what you are doing to or putting into your body it makes you look at all of the who, the what and the why in your life too.  It makes you scream "Why not?"
It makes you thoroughly examine the holes.  The What if's?
It's hard not to think of all these things and when people tell me that everything is going to be fine  and sure I truly want to believe it. I do. I do believe in miracles. I'm witness to them unfold on a weekly basis and hell, I've met some pretty good magicians in my life. But the one thing I don't need right now is people telling me not to be scared.
I am allowed to be.
Anyone is allowed their moment with fear. It's what they choose to do with it. I realized yesterday that I don't want people to tell me that I have nothing to worry about because bottom line  - it's not true. And denying anyone their emotions no matter what they are going through is unnatural.

We are allowed a certain moment shared with doubt, stepping into the dark parts of us and screaming for an answer because I know for a fact - that is where  - it's there, where we find them.

I don't have any of my own answers right now. I won't for a while. I'm half way through a handful of tests and the results so far have been not awesome.

Why am I sharing any of this? Because I want you to know that it's OK to be not OK.
But in your not OK hang on to the people that love you the most, or at least take inventory of those who do and why you love them. You may have to shorten and or lengthen that list.
Count your blessings. All of them. No matter how small they are, they are worth it.
And it's OK to be fearful if at the end of the day you promise yourself it's a temporary lapse of reason and you'll be damned if life will get the best of you not on your terms.

Be well my friends. Be good to yourself,
be good to yourself, be good to yourself.

All my love,

As I wrapped this up - I got a link to Sophia's acting debut.  
I can't help but be proud and not share.


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