Skip to main content

Under The Knife.

Wellness Weekend has come and gone.
I am tickled at the participation from the sponsors,
the practitioners and event goers. The conversations had, the miracles uncovered, the hearts- opened. Thank you.

Today however is a different tune, my own wellness.  At noon I go under the knife.
I won't disclose any gory details other than this experience
 has shaken me to the core. It brings to the table so much fear, so much uncertainty.
There have been small moments where my ego has been so loud and crazy that it's hard to keep it on a calm, yoga like tip. Prepping for Wellness Weekend and all the hitches and glitches that came along with it made me realize big picture universe wanted me to pay attention to me.
This is not something that comes easy. Especially as a mother, a business owner and someone who tends to LOVE helping others transform past their own fears. The irony!

Being under the knife forces you to reevaluate so much more than what you are doing to or putting into your body it makes you look at all of the who, the what and the why in your life too.  It makes you scream "Why not?"
It makes you thoroughly examine the holes.  The What if's?
It's hard not to think of all these things and when people tell me that everything is going to be fine  and sure I truly want to believe it. I do. I do believe in miracles. I'm witness to them unfold on a weekly basis and hell, I've met some pretty good magicians in my life. But the one thing I don't need right now is people telling me not to be scared.
I am allowed to be.
Anyone is allowed their moment with fear. It's what they choose to do with it. I realized yesterday that I don't want people to tell me that I have nothing to worry about because bottom line  - it's not true. And denying anyone their emotions no matter what they are going through is unnatural.

We are allowed a certain moment shared with doubt, stepping into the dark parts of us and screaming for an answer because I know for a fact - that is where  - it's there, where we find them.

I don't have any of my own answers right now. I won't for a while. I'm half way through a handful of tests and the results so far have been not awesome.

Why am I sharing any of this? Because I want you to know that it's OK to be not OK.
But in your not OK hang on to the people that love you the most, or at least take inventory of those who do and why you love them. You may have to shorten and or lengthen that list.
Count your blessings. All of them. No matter how small they are, they are worth it.
And it's OK to be fearful if at the end of the day you promise yourself it's a temporary lapse of reason and you'll be damned if life will get the best of you not on your terms.

Be well my friends. Be good to yourself,
be good to yourself, be good to yourself.

All my love,

As I wrapped this up - I got a link to Sophia's acting debut.  
I can't help but be proud and not share.


Popular posts from this blog

A Suicide Berceuse.

This is for you the broken hearted.This one is for you who can’t get out of bed and for you who may be finding it so damn hard to return the texts, emails and phone calls from anyone. 
This one is dedicated to those who having a hard time showing up because even thinking about showing up is too much energy. 
This one is for you who can’t seem to move on after the loss of a beloved. It’s for the ones whose days gone by are better than the days you’ve been wading through.This is for all of you who can’t catch a break financially, romantically or dream wise and wonder what it's all for.
The world has an immeasurable void in it. Constant pain inflicted from headlines or bylines is palpable. You’re unsure of your footing on our planet because the ground beneath you is unstable even when the sun shines otherwise. 
This one is for you who have contemplated at least once, perhaps even more than once about pressing the eject button on life. It’s here that you are in good company. It's…

4 Reasons Why Badmouthing Others is BAD For YOU.

I was talking today with a friend about the importance of words.  How you use them, positively, negatively any which way.  Words are like weapons.  Once you put them out there, they are pretty much impossible to take back.  Sure you can say you are sorry but it doesn't wipe the blood and guts off the floor from the initial bullet wound.  Forgiveness is key, but let's be mindful of our words from the get.  Dig?

Here's a repurposed blog to go along with those thoughts.

Everyone gets hurt. No one is perfect. People mess up. Mistakes are made. But the cross you bare when you badmouth someone else's questionable deeds or good fortunes, their life advances or personal tragedies is a very heavy one.

When you engage in loose lip service per say "warning" peers or anyone within earshot about someone or someone's "drama" or perhaps you seem to regurgitate the pain someone has caused you over and over to friends, strangers, clients, family members....wel…

The Sum of all Jitters

Monday, I leave my precious, beautiful and sacred bubble of Jim Thorpe for New York City to embark on my first week of Kundalini Yoga teacher training.  This learning adventure will stretch over the course of the next eight months. It's something that has been pulling at my heart for the last five years in terms of spiritual and physical evolution.

 And naturally with most new personal mega shifts or changes comes a tinge of fear. 
Yes, it's normal.  Don't use my words against me. But the 17 year old who lives somewhere inside of me sits up, batting her eyes so that I take notice.  She thanks me for honoring our future. She is excited for possibility and for helping others, always. But she bites her lip "even though we've come so far regarding our body image, even though we've done so much self love/self esteem work over the years, I'm still scared to wear white pants."

And I feel her..

It's not because I stain every white piece of clothing I o…