Sunday, February 3, 2013

Wanna F The F Out of February With me?



     Here we are! We made it to February, and while you are obsessing over the cold of winter or what the crap to do or not to do about Valentine's Day let’s try on something different together shall we?
     Let’s F the F out of February. 
   First, I’d like to say that no matter where you are, no matter what you are struggling with, or how wrapped up in day to day “stress” you may be, if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself, if you don’t make time for loving yourself first, by being good to yourself – eating well, getting enough sleep, making healthy choices emotionally, physically and spiritually, then you truly are running the risk of…risking your life.  
You’re life is up to you.  You call it all in – all of your experiences.  

You are the center of your universe, no matter what experience you may be having, it is here to teach you.
     Processing illness has reinforced this entire phenomenon for me.  
I have made it a habit over the holidays to not eat right, to stay hidden in patterns that don’t serve me, and to conjure, and swim in a sea of excuses of, "it’s because I’m stressed out.”

     It’s only recently that I uncovered that doing these things politely hold me back from finishing my second novel and screenplay, that keep me out of loving partnerships, and comfortable in procrastination and delay are because my ego is gripped in FEAR.
I am afraid of more success.
I am afraid of loving someone, who is not my daughter, unconditionally.
I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes to really be committed to a healthier lifestyle for more than 60 days.
I am afraid of living my soul's deepest desires.

Whaaaaaat? You ask? 
I know, crazy right? I can talk to dead people, cross over souls, fight demons, and preach about how you shouldn’t be afraid of the unknown, but I am afraid of the unknown! 
So, the first Rule of F*ing the F out of February is to lovingly say “FUCK IT.” 
While I am in the thick of the May Cause Miracles Course Work, I can’t help but turn back to my own mentor and friend, Arlene Duggan, Medium and Psychotherapist who shared with me that the best prayer she learned while studying with the Franciscan Monks was simply to say Fuck it.
I am going to actively surrender to my fear to my loving inner guide by first saying: Fuck it. 
I mean, at the end of the day, what’s the point of being afraid? What’s the point of keeping myself from finding a romantic partner, or finishing my writing or living out my dreams? How does that fully embody a life preaching love and possibility?
It doesn’t.   That’s not walking my walk.  I’m limping at this point.  But it’s a good limp. I’ve got it down to a science. 

February 3rd, 2013.  No looking back.  I’ve put it in writing now. 
You, God, and the matrix of the Internet are bearing witness to this huge layer of onion that I am uncovering.  No more crutches.  NO FEAR!
What are you afraid of?  Let’s uncover fear together. 
Leave a comment or email me: 
XOXO,
Michelle

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