Monday, July 23, 2012

I BELIEVE IN THE MAGIC OF JIM THORPE


Celebrating a year anniversary since the release of Witch Wolf? The Curse. 
The sort of true story of my childhood and how I creatively chose to deal with my (demons) bullies.  

This morning in meditation, reflection of how I came to town, remembering events that took my life in an amazing new direction of possibility and service to the community.
  
I recalled when the phone rang 6am, July 16th.
My mom was freaking out "You picture is huge on the front page of the Times News". 
Having my picture on the front page was so much more than being in every news stand in Carbon County. It was also having my picture in my neighbors homes, of peoples homes in close radius that were strangers who I may run into at the grocery store. 

All at once I got a lot of "Do you remember Me's?"  I hadn't the first clue...

The front page picture was more than me posting the release of my book on my Facebook wall.
It was so much more than crazy sexy diet inspired me, with hair extensions, smiling like I was retaking my Senior portrait in front of a tie die throw at Strange Brew.
Coincidence? There are none!

Opportunities and relationships with people I had yet to meet unfolded cinematically. 
I thought I had met all the people of Jim Thorpe coming high off the Burlesque horse.  
But minus a boa and cheeky stage name, I was emerging as ...me.
I made lots of interestingly, interesting new friends and acquaintances.   
I was even asked out on dates. 
The news article, would become a lethal weapon against me at one particular point in the story.
I know at least of one copy sitting in the back seat of my parents car fading to yellow.

Moving to Jim Thorpe - the very town Mick's is bullied in. Talk about law of attraction. 
Yet I was so very vulnerable with my truth this past year, admitting all my faults and fictions out loud to strangers and new neighbors.  Hoping to build community one smile and hug at a time.

Today I ran into the first person to buy my book.  She met me through Facebook.
It was bittersweet. I didn't actually didn't run into her. I wasn't running at all. I pulled up to my apartment. She and her boyfriend were removing things from the dance studio across the street.
I was on the phone but my attention was to her.  Reflection washed over me: how we met.
She believed in me.  I believed.  
She believed in my message.  I believed it was a Miracle. 

And out of love I took it as a sign.

A year later I'm looking down at her and her boyfriend going about their business as 
I stand in wonder peering from my bathroom window ....should I? Should I? Should I say something?
I certainly don't want to manipulate the outcome. 
And I've certainly had enough of the bad stuff.  Really kinda over all the bad stuff.
Give me a sign......I just watched.  I found safety in my keeping silent.

This woman (& her boyfriend) were very much integral
in the beginning stages of my magic carpet ride into the Rabbit Hole. 
I realized at that precise moment I was witnessing that they were in transition again.
Ironically, so am I.  

This personal phenomenon, The events of this entire past year, seeing multidimensionally, having experienced super coincidences light up the carpet ride of my coming to Jim Thorpe. 
I can tell you firmly:

I BELIEVE.
I believe something, someone greater than me 
heard me praying, saw me the days I was on my knees 
 ...or up at 3am wide eyed talking to ghosts....
& whipped up a batch of miracles and life lessons 
sending Sophia & I  sliding down the muddy hill
 to good ole Mauch Chunk.
I believed. 
I believe every opportunity no matter what the outcome, at this moment has been a huge blessing. 
I'm in awe of what's become and what's coming.  
Sophia and I have cultivated a small family and community of friends that feels on most days like home.

Facing bullies between Witch Wolf? & newspaper pages and whispers on and off Broadway and running into the same girls from sixth grade, I believe coming from a space of love versus anything else, rules.  I have been called "Cosmic Dirtbag", have had my car vandalized more than once, have received harassing emails, FB messages, bones on my doorstep and have met people without bodies that probably shouldn't still be here.
In that lesson, in standing up to coming home party of bullies I  learned something very valuable and put into practice  - 'In My Defenselessness My Safety Lies.'  
I will not give in to any one's conflict living, dead or otherwise.

I am sad by how badly we can behave when we are hurt.  Myself included.  
So I will continue to choose peace. 
I don't want to fight. I don't want to be screamed at. 
It's sad we don't smile and share laughter anymore even if it is necessary for the good of all.  
As a mother of a four year old, TIME OUTS are necessary.  

Looking out my bathroom window at a woman I knew briefly in 2011, taking all of this in and listening for a sign
I can clearly see into my sisters heart. 
This roller coaster of emotions and healing and investigating has led me to this very moment. Forgiveness.  Defenselessness.  Love.
No matter what... I took a deep breath...I chose all of the above.

I am so grateful for all of the lessons, for the amazing people in funny furry hats
and what not that have taught me along the way.
Here we are. We are moving forward.
I am in gratitude over the girl who believed in magic and the message in my book. 
Thank you, wherever you are and where ever you are going.  (& your boyfriend too)
I'm holding space for peace for all of us who at one time not too long ago were very
 excited to be the Alchemists.

Here's to turning pages and new chapters.

...I BELIEVE.

XOXO


No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.