Saturday, March 24, 2012

People, Get Out Of Your Own Way.

Home. Profoundly humbled by the amazing revelations sickness and death recently gifted me.
I couldn't see it. I couldn't hear it, I was numb. But kindly, airplanes and strangers, familiars and broken hearts wrapped in pages that have yet to be written have brought me healing.

The beauty of it all, the madness. The strange calm found in sorrow. Ironic? Beyond.
There is never enough time, there are never enough words. However, a few offered stuck with me as I looked for my own answers.

"People need to get out of their own way." Stated the brilliant photographer as he snapped photos
and played with one of the many wigs he put me in.
Snap, click.
Tears wiped away from goodbyes the night before.
Make up covering bags beneath my eyes.
Music blaring sweetness as it became medicine all over again.

Soon after landing, I remembered in three short hours exactly why I let San Francisco.
I was never alone but always lonely. Dealing with strangers unseen, seen and those I used to know. Realized I walked away from radio to become one myself.

Beyond the bullshit, every relationship or lack there of holds a mirror, a parallel to your own universe.
Make sure you understand who and what you are, what you bring to the table and what you are responsible for.

Today I welcome back a familiar stranger. My sister will walk through my front door, the first time I've laid eyes or arms on her in over a year. In this work, I'm learning that time means nothing to spirit - but here, unfortunately, time means so much more than it should.

There are things we can't undo, or unsay. We have to show up and be present to what we bring, what we attract good or bad - every single moment of every day and as Topher Adam so brilliantly put it - we need to get the fuck out of our own way. =Keys to Happiness=

And as I put the finishing touches on this blog - Robin Rockwell sings to me:
"If you live to learn you'll be lucky one day!"  (Dream on Dreamer, The Brand New Heavies).....
Oh Brother! WOW. I got the right CD in her collection! Thanks dude.

Cheers inspiration, and divination yet unseen.
Cheers to turning sadness into color and future plans I'm still scribbling.
Here's a peek at  The Dark Beauty's mastermind's vision (Topher Adam) of me :)
One of the last shots we took - Fortune Teller.

Topher - Brother, in gratitude for letting me live one of my many dreams - to be shot by you!

Friday, March 16, 2012

No Sleep Till....

Oakland, San Francisco, Glide Memorial,
Rockwell Fillmore Tribute. Dark Beauty Photo Shoot. (Sigh)

Trying to catch rest and nurse suspected, unconfirmed disease that's infiltrated my being.
In my left ear, it sounds like a helicopter is landing.  Doesn't feel like rescue though.
My body is weak. Everything hurts.
Prescribed medication makes it hard to breathe even harder to speak.
Hoped to have come to better health before heading west. T minus 12 hours and counting.
Too much stress. No such luck.
I feel so disconnected physically. Reclaim! Save me!

I have been taught that illness is a great metaphysical sign. To ponder on my bed and be still.
In this time of great process however I recall words that a living Goddess - shared - via Plato:
“Be Kind for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Great Battle.”–Plato

I couldn't agree more. I am sad for all of my friends that are suffering severe loss and in their own deep crisis right now -  no matter what the circumstance.  
Let's be honest, there is no lack of circumstance!

Another colleague reminded me that it's the end of the winter, dead season.  
Abundance is just around the bend. 
Hold on.

Finally a very beautiful & wise man in my life said that he recently came to the realization that 'everyone always has stuff going on all the time, no matter what.'

It's true. There is no great reason that we have to lash out at each other because we are we are hurting or lacking or feeling jumbled inside. 
Everyone is hurting on some level. Everyone has pain on some level. Take a step back from your madness or sadness and breathe.

Yesterday, strangers came to my aid when I collapsed in the street. 
They offered me water and sat patiently with my daughter until I got my bearings again. They could have taken my purse or took my keys and made off with Beulah. 
But they smiled and offered me love from their hearts.
I payed it forward by practicing random acts of kindness for the rest of the day with everyone I came into contact with until I made it safely back to my home where I was met with messages from clients and friends in their own great crisis. 

“Be Kind for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Great Battle.”–Plato

I sit here, with tears in my eyes, knowing that more tears are coming. 
I long to be in the embrace of familiar strangers I have left so long ago, to share the release of sadness we have for such a great loss to our own personal history and community.
I look to share my love and kindness with each and every person I encounter when I set foot out of my front door from this day forward.  Amen.

Life is too short my friends to insist upon anything sweeter

Ally My Love


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