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I'm pissed.
No. I'm not. (Breathe deep)
Sure I am.
Wait. No I am not.

I used to call this repetitive argument in my head; My East Coast Vs. My West Coast.
It weighs heavy yet again these days even though the language has changed a bit - it's light vs. dark - ish.

Regardless, I'm filled with emotion.

I haven't written here in a while.
I was so totally inspired to do the W.L.A and the call to action videos
that my fingers forgot what it felt like to dance all over the keyboard.
At present: they are happy :)

Doing the videos was a big deal. I hadn't put that much effort in to the visual  since Newsbreak 22.

I get it. OK? I do.
The balance between light and dark and my east coast vs my west coast and the NEED for both. OK?
I heard you!
I hear you!
But I prefer my coffee somewhere between light and white. When I want my coffee to be black, I will purposefully and with fervor drink it black. Jesus Christ already! It's my coffee. So Let It Be.


As you get older, you don't necessarily want time to speed up but I am happy to see 

February 2012 get the f out of my rear view mirror, forever.
For reference, I'm not one to anticipate March for the amount of insufferable birthdays it brings including everyone in my family - it's like freaking Xmas all over again! (AAAHHHHH!!!!)
So you have to know I am serious when I say - I never thought I'd be so glad it was here.
May the luck of the Irish Be With You Like The Force Luke - I mean it.

The anticipation of spring with this warm weather all winter is making me restless.
I want to go running and hiking and listen to the river dance in the woods.

The walls are a cage.

February you started off so promising. 

 I felt possibility and love despite any warnings. (swoon!)

Then the D train took over. Shit just shut it down.
Party came to a screeching halt. Earthquakes erupted and all hell broke loose.

There were highlights. You know, represent the balance by presenting both sides.
I definitely want to stay in the gratitude lane of things and give love for the home clearing  performed last night (amazing), the hour long interview on Paranormal Science, Intuitive Skyping with Frances in Paris, and Feb 3.
I'm honored. Miracles happen to witness and be blessed by them at same time.

Paranormally - I heard children crying all day the day Angie Trine died. I remembered fondly our pink converse sneakers and the shopping trip we took to get them, sleeping over her house and her crazy birthday party overnight at some bar/arcade. The news of her passing made me miss being a kid. Her friendship and her person were highlights during a dark time.

I was happy to be a part of the community and family at Mrs. Turnbach's funeral two days later. To watch the Soldiers salute this woman who was tiny and fragile and not a room full of people that I've known the first half of my life and haven't seen in years. I was happy to see my best friend from High School and his wife, their entire family - despite the circumstance. He looked at me and said "I had a feeling I was going to see you today."

Then! To come home and moments later by way of  electronic rabbit hole facebook messages regarding Robin - realizing Friday just hours before.... I felt the final "separation anxiety" freak out. (Her words) I used to have mega separation anxiety when I would leave to San Fran to go east for the holidays.
We went through it every time :)

Friday when i was listening to Chris Cornell cover Whitney Houston's I will always Love You,  Sophia asked "Mom. Why are you crying?" I replied "I'm sorry, I don't know why."

So I can't hear enough music right now R.E.M (Thanks Spud) or U2 or Lenny Kravitz despite the fact that I have been having trying to shake the loss of hearing in my left ear since all this news. My ear kills!! I need the school nurse and some antibiotics. 

(I'm Pissed...No I am not....Deep Breaths)
 I can't look at enough pictures or think about how the future is going to hold
minus these three amazing women who left within days of each other. Time.
Time marches on. As time does.
Damn Zeitgeist.

In her last email to me Jan 31...she wrote "Death cloud is following me. Brutal."
Me: "Dude, if you need anything that it is my business these days. I'm so sorry."

Ladies and gentleman, My East Coast Mourns My West Coast tonight. And  th
e community around me is in mourning as  a double murder -suicide erupted this past weekend.  I knew these elderly people  - who were hammered to death by their 30 year old grandson who was "on drugs" used to be really nice people. I waited on them quite a bit.

So For reasons of many and the many reasons of February 2012:

F you February
I'm so over you.


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