Saturday, June 25, 2011


Be gentle with the hearts of those you entrap
for the suffering you unconsciously or consciously cause
will come back to you threefold.

Be aware that when you use other people as bandaids or personal scratching posts that there are deeper issues you and your ego are ignoring:
Self Esteem, Co-Dependence, Addiction being at the top of the list.

Passive aggressiveness, self righteousness and never admitting when you have wronged another human being are not charming traits.  But thank you kindly for leading by example.

Thank you also
for helping me
to be a better person.

X3 X3 X3 I am ready now to receive. X3 X3 X3


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Remedium Amoris

 - The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. - (Daybreak, Neitzsche)

The WORLD needs more love letters. 
I firmly stand behind this regardless of how reckless I've been.
There's too much chaos, madness, sadness and death permeating the air - infecting us with it's treason, spite & revenge.  
Love is often the harder choice when shit is hitting the proverbial fan blowing a ton of WTF at us. 

According to every guru, theology and hippy on Haight street -  love should be injected into each person and area of our lives despite it all. 
It should be universal and free. When we are hit with a mass amount of negative energy from an individual - returning love to them breaks the cycle because it is unexpected. 
Like a secret weapon. PA-POW! Glittery pink hearts will kick your middle fingers ass! Perhaps The Beatles then were on to something. 

Yesterday the wise crone whispered "The heart betrays us." 
She smiled in a way that I've never seen before. It confused me. 
As does this: despite deepening my grand physical, spiritual and other worldly journey, my heart is stuck somewhere between reading Neitzsche quotes in a faux Russian accent (even though he's German) and singing Jewel while driving aimlessly on a Tuesday afternoon. 

If the adage 'abscence makes the heart grow fonder' were to stand up looking for a testimonial yours truly may shake her head and boldly confess to such sins. 

There's nothing I'd love more than to just feel normal about what's happening with the muscle in my chest despite my shrinking physique or the "peacefulness" that has settled on my new face.  
The wise woman said I was lit up with amazing health and great chi. 

But my betraying heart is jamming up my new light saber. 
So I had to write this unexpected letter ....


Monday, June 13, 2011

Love knows no Boundaries, Death or Time.

It is with great honor that I am retelling todays experience with the paranormal as it just so happens to be a love story.  I'm not even sure I can do it justice - but I'll certainly give it a try.

Sally met Harry when she was 19. 
She was working at Disney in Florida. He was visiting his father when their two month affair blossomed. They stopped speaking (mostly because of Harry). But Sally knew in the time that they were apart she never wanted anyone nor could she be with anyone else till by coincidence fate connected them five years later. 
Seven amazing years and two beautiful children after that, Harry took a seizure while sleeping this past May and died. I don't know his exact age, but I will say he couldn't have been quite thirty.

Harry showed up at my back door on May 18th. I didn't know who he was or why but I didn't want to deal with him. For the first time I could see a spirit without meditation or closing my eyes to focus.
At three am, for a woken bathroom break (I'm an extreme peer!)  I could see a man standing at my back door staring in at me - he was tall, thin and wearing baseball hat and jacket (to which I later calculated as a hoodie).  When I was contacted by Sally via text message a little over a week later, I saw his face once more. BINGO.  

Today, Sally and I would meet face to face. 
Harry was so excited. He was here, in my home - the minute I opened my eyes. 
He had so much to say and was pretty hyped up about the opportunity to say it. 
During my morning mediation I had to ask him to politely wait, because it was not yet time.
Before I got to Jim Thorpe, I had so much information to share.  He spoke to me while I did my hair!

Sitting with Sally in their living room, I told her everything Harry had blurted out while 
I was getting ready for our time together. 
I have to say that I was deeply in awe of her grace and profound strength. 
Some of the stuff was heavy and she laughed knowing I was using his language and words to convey his message to her. 
As she wiped her eyes, I hugged her. I was proud of myself for not crying - as an empath I often do when I sense someone else's pain. As Harry continued to share things with her and assure her his spirit still there and would be earth bound for the next six to eight months, Sally politely shared their story with me.

"I just knew he was the one when we first met. He went through some dark times while we were apart. A week before we reconnected, he was in church. He prayed and wrote on a card he dropped in the prayer box that he would meet the woman he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. A week later, we were both speaking of each other one night and by chance on this evening, I called his friend  - and Harry answered the phone. That was it."

Harry wanted Sally to know that he would take care of her. That he would see to it that she and their children would be loved throughout their time apart. That tradition in his honor would keep them together always and his memory alive.  He was sad however that he couldn't hold her or his kids any longer and despite him being ok on the other side, this was something he needed to come to terms with.

"I always knew that I would rather be together, with him facing a horrible job, bills and no money and actually working it out then actually not be together at all." 

It was in this moment...I lost my cool. 
I had to turn my head away from Sally take a deep breath and acknowledge that I wasn't feeling her sadness, or his. 
I was experiencing my own.  
After explaining to her previously about my mediumship being empathetic, I had to apologize for letting my own feelings get in the way of her reading.  I was embarrassed to say the least to admit that in my own struggle with the great L word, I was radically searching for it to be better than whats actually been showing up in my life.

"It's ok." She smiled.  "Everyone deserves to be loved."  

I believe that I got the opportunity to witness this event, to be a bridge if you will - to hear this gorgeous tale, to experience this love beyond worlds and time not only so that I could connect these two souls but also so that I would be encouraged.  I am honored at the chance to have had this happen.

In hearing Sally speak, I knew that she and Harry have known each other more than this lifetime and there is no doubt that I have that they will be together again. For Harry to share that he would help to find her another love so that she would be taken care of spoke more than volumes of some romantic novel- that is unconditional love- that love is timeless and true.

I - like a sap studying romantic comedy in my 'off time' - cried 75% of the ride home. 
The other 25% I simply felt grateful to have been part of todays tale - to have "Sally's" permission to tell about it and to possibly be inspired by her amazing person when we meet again. 
I can only wish to have her strength and grace. But mostly I wish her and her family nothing but all the love, luck and success in their future and in this difficult time.


Monday, June 6, 2011

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Deep within the walls of your cocoon, (your home, your very own skin) wretches the butterfly as it changes from Caterpillar beneath the three eclipses that have now come to force us into deep self actualization and radical transformation.

Sing with me ....Cha, cha, cha - chan- GES!
Welcome to Eclipse season.
What's dark will now be light. What's weak will now phase out from your life despite your best wishes.
Enter beginnings and with every new beginning becomes someone else's or somethings end.  Amen.

The first eclipse took place June 1st. A solar eclipse which usually means happy new beginnings.
The second falls Wednesday June 15th and hits close to home (literally).
Finally, the last (& for moi expected to be the most chaotic) will make it's arrival July 1st highlighting friends.  Weeeeee!
This is almost a mirror of what happened last year at this time. (Totally gonzo!)
But what it means to all is that change is inevitable.
Please take the time to read more about them at Susan Miller's  You can also get your full month's astrology report their. Susan rules!

In real life terms when it comes down to it - Eclipses mean: what and how you react to the wild card of changing winds.  It's not going to be an easy road my pet. So get a pen, grab a bottle of water and some running shoes and get ready. Oh, keep some tissues on hand. Just saying!

No bullshit, this is a very delicate time. Things will be thrown at us that are unexpected and jilting (if they haven't started happening already).  People in my close parameter are running for cover because of the news the universe has dropped on their doorstep. My phone is ringing and the other end seems to be filled with self doubt and very much sadness.
I myself am wondering - what the fuck? when will it end?
But there is good news too. Hold on to it. Every day is a rebirth and a new beginning and we have to keep reminding ourselves of that.

This time can also be a time where depression can creep in despite the sunshine.
It has the capability of grabbing hold of your throat and choking until you feel as if self medicating may be your only option. That's the darker side of the eclipses and I'm here to tell you to FIGHT BACK.  Find your inner warrior and punch, kick and scream!
FIGHT your inner demons, your self loathing, your loneliness, your self pity with every ounce of strength that you have.
FIGHT your nagging voice, the memory of your parents or bullies or ex lover putting you down.  FIGHT the fear of the unknown and stand firm in your ground.
FIGHT the urge to drown your pain in someone else or something else that will only be a temporary escape.

You are a powerful, beautiful, amazing soul.  Believe it.

In your cocoon you have the ability to listen, learn and grab a hold of WHO it is you really are, WHY it is your here and WHAT you are going to do about it.

As I sit and type these words that I feel so blessed to share, it's almost as if I want to scream them at the top of my lungs. I am living and breathing the same phenomenon.  You are not alone. I have seen too many people let go of who they are and why they are because of the pain of change that they can not stand to bare. Good, solid, strong, successful, beautiful people on their knees begging to know why.

And I say the same thing every time. Don't ask me. Ask yourself & listen!
If you don't like the answers. Change the equation. Change.
Ask better questions. Change again.
Ask for better results.

For those who are 'spiritual', I beg you now to call upon your higher power to arm you with the tools and means necessary to be a better person every day.  If you don't have one, find something - anything that leads you away from a path of self destruction and hurt and on to a path of wellness and healing.

For me, seeing the butterflies while I walk or outside my window remind me that change no matter how horrifically painful it can be is inevitable and yet has the possibility of being the best thing that could ever happen- leading us to our ultimate best self- radiating true beauty both inside and out.
The darkness is necessary.  It is the yin to our yang.
It is horribly silent and we want to scream because no one sees or hears us crying but it has the capability of being loud when our smiles wake to see a brand new day.

When you fine tune who you really are, when you plug into your true vision you transform your world around you. Keep this in mind as the eclipses throw their wildcards.  This is a time to become strong and to accept the true good that life and YOU have to offer. Hold the image of what you want and who you want to be at the forefront of your mind.  Hold that image in kindness in love.  Do not color it in pain killers or drown it in wine coolers.
Let that bright, sparkly, glittery, beautiful image come to life.  Let it breathe and grow inside you. Wings ready?

Do not keep hold of what no longer serves you.  If it hurts, then cut it out even if it's a him or her or a nagging relative or a habit you know you need to shake!
Your amazing example will lead others out of their darkness and the land of eclipses and shadows that they may have fallen into.
We are all in this together people- a community of warriors about to be reborn to the earth into our true selves.  No bullshit.

Throughout the next month, hold sacred a space for yourself - find a place to get in touch with your warrior and feel yourself reborn, yummy, whole and living life fully, abundantly and lovingly every day.

Good luck to you & Blessed Be,

In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...