Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dear Shane

My little brother,
the mountain just got a bit colder tonight - lonelier even.
I'm devastated - at a loss for words, but then again there is so much
 I really do want to say.

First & foremost - to each & every person
whose eyes gaze upon these words
WE ALL HURT - we are all hurting.
we all suffer and we are all suffering.
If you learn anything in this event please
PLEASE!!!  Please.....
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to one another.

Shane, I'm so angry.  I'm so sad.
There's at least a dozen scumbags I'd gladly give the five finger death punch to right now to take your place -
 so we could see you smile & feel your contagious laughter just once more
- to tell you - that you are loved.
NO matter what -

I'm crying like a baby and my face looks like a Halloween mask from the dollar store.
I've taken and thrown punches for you and I'd do it all again in a heart beat.
You've always had the amazing capability to make me feel like the most important person in the room
Mrs. Robinson even.
Thank you Shane.

Roxanne & I adopted you as the little brother we never had & always wanted.
Your Father would have it no other way :)  We will always be family.

Shane - When the tears dry - and my head is clear -
I'm going down the rabbit hole to find you.
I'm coming looking for you sweetheart and I promise that I won't let you down when I do.
I'm here for you - when you are ready.
You know you can talk to me.

See you soon my brother.
I love you.

In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...