Here we are, knee deep in the season of Scorpio.
What exactly does this mean you ask?
Scorpio is the sign of great emotional depths, darkness, all things secret, hidden and taboo. I did not know, yes I'm just learning too. (That's the Dr. Suess in me...sorry)
We are halfway between Fall Equinox and Winter Solstice. You know, it's only getting darker earlier...blah, blah, blah!
And of course the veil between the worlds (living and dead/seen and unseen)
is very, very thin.
Translation, that's some Harry Potter shit right there.
But on a serious note, we are embarking on the scarcity of winter.
Hopefully, consciously and collectively - we as a people will slow down,
turn inward and reflect on life.
At this time, please fasten your seat belts and confront the skeletons in your closets.
Your mortality is at hand.
Dark Season reminds us that: Death is the only thing that is certain.
HOW THEN DO WE CHOOSE TO LIVE OUR LIVES?
I've been pondering such questions since a young age. Death has always been calling.
These questions though seem louder with every passing year - or passing of a loved one in general.
On Halloween, My father lost another Gallagher sibling
My Aunt Irene.
While I didn't get to spend a great amount of time with her in my adult life,
I can tell you this - she was ultimately good.
Irene radiated love & laughter even when she didn't smile.
Much like my dad, She also was called to serve community.
She was the Director of Nurses for 40 years at our local hospital.
When I gave birth to Sophia, I must have told everyone at least twice ,I was her niece.
That's Gallagher Pride for you.
As an outsider - I admired her will to give that much time to one job let alone the JOB itself!
Dealing with the living (gushing with blood!) is way more complicated and horrific to me...
Irene and my Dad will forever sit upon their pedestals, both wearing big, courageous hearts on their sleeves.
As I sit here typing, I long to be closer to FAMILY in general.
But I digress.
With Aunt Irene leaving this realm I ask myself - what will people think when it's my turn to go?
My heart is still cracked wide open. I hear the whispers of what people are speaking of me now - behind my back and to my face. It's loud in here. I'm climbing the walls because as the sun sets earlier every day, it only gets louder and the pastel painted panels that surround me creep inches closer.
I don't want to get lost in the despair of the season or of the notion of not returning to this waking life.
It's definitely not safe here.
Today my tears burn my cheeks and I swear that my freckles are stained from my the salt.
I'm tired of hurting. I'm looking to come out of this with grace.
So I pray for protection and guidance.
Dear God & Goddess,
I want to open my wounded ticker and find compassion for the living like My dad and my Aunt did through their work. And while I don't see myself as the Chief of Police or Head Director of Nurses anytime soon, I'm hoping that the universe will so politely light my path and make it clear when the sun finds it's way out out of the dark time.
For the Good Of All - Amen.
Cheers to staying warm in the upcoming months, to diving deep into our dark emotional realm together and coming up with diamonds in springtime.
Goodnight Auntie. See you on the other side.