Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Heartless Bastards

Is the band that I am enamored with at the moment.
This Janis Joplin like - rock and roll - passion pit of emotion.
I want to scream all the words even though I only listening to the whole album for the second time.
So pumped... that if I had my own band - I'd cover almost every single & promise to deliver it with a punch you'd notice.

I think about singing again all the time - or stand up comedy - or just writing - cause otherwise I'm horribly misunderstood.
Seeking acting classes to assist in covering the thoughts that bleed through my face.  And managing more - people's reactions to them.
Perhaps if I just sing someone else's bleeding heart or make people laugh,
it would be all they would come to expect of me and they'd err on the side of a lighter heart.

People's expectations of me suck. Especially when I'm trying to figure what they are - of myself.

When I told someone that I was watching comedy every night before bed and I was thinking of writing more about it and working on a 15 minute routine he all but scolded me, shook his head and said no you can't.  HEARTLESS.

To him I say, FAWK  U.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Not your false prophet

So I will say - judge not - and less you will be judged.

In other news - You can lead a horse to the water but you can't make him drink it - although why wouldn't he/she - it's water for Christ sake.

I went to mass this past weekend - at the church where i grew up, lectured, sang, and delivered my grandmothers eulogy.
While I was happy to remember, I was also praying to forget the madness and chaos that has slapped me in the teeth and left me on my knees.
My voice was horse as I mumbled the responses....tried to sing the final hymn.
It was when everyone was exiting the building when the tears - fell like hot lava from my eyes.

But despite all the things that I was miserably aware of at that horrible hour and no less praying for
- I reeeaaalllllyyyy  miss GLIDE.

I miss Glide and thought about how moved the people where I live now MIGHT BE to dance and celebrate life beyond just living.  The mass I attended was so mundane and the sermon, snoozeable.

Of course when Cecil, spoke the good word -
no wait let me back up ....
when Co Pastor Douglas Fitch took to delivering a sermon
you were - are - inspired.
You want to stand at the top of your toes and clap your hands in the air or be moved to tears of joy that someone thinks the same that you do and has the balls to stand in a room filled with people who are present to BE PRESENT WITH SPIRIT.
You want to dance with the people in front of, behind you and next to you - not because they already are moving and swaying to the music but because you feel it too.....

Sadly - for me -
There was no spirit at mass on Sunday.  I just couldn't feel it. Maybe because it was the state I was in - the fact that I even brought myself to get to catholic mass 9am on a Sunday morning.
The sad part of it all - I found myself - judging - critiquing in the back of my mind - the whole thing.

Then I went searching.  Thank GOD for the internet.  Because for a minute or four - I was transported back to a place where people FEEL SPIRIT.
Here's a little taste of that.  7,500 members strong.

And if that blew up your skirt 
- take a peek at my boy Dougy Fitch.  

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