Sunday, July 25, 2010

You look....Terrible.

Says my mother - when I take Sophia for her sleep over.


I'm all over the world and back again today, surrounded by people from the west coast...
just came from,
used to live in,
recently visited a relative in,
and yeah....

After tonight - and for a while really - I get it.
I want to be bicoastal - because there are definitely two very unique sides of me -

but she's calling me home - the Golden Coast
Here is too sad - and too crazy and there's definitely something
in the water because I'm living it every day.

Please note that I take on full responsibility for my part in it - but still ...

I'm tired. (Thanks again mom)

I'm tired of the bullshit.
The lemons. The tears.
The time out. The evil ending to my romantic comedy.
The propositions, the naysayers, the opinions and the gossip.




Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Fireworks continue past 4th of July. (This one's for my MOM)

As much as I try to understand the stars and planets and their alignment - and the luck and warnings and predictions they may bring....

PEOPLE are ...WOW.

Seriously....I'm learning so much right now
- on so many levels about people and how they react to chaos and madness in their lives
(including within my own)
and how community reacts to madness and chaos and responsibility and structure or lack there of.
Every day since May 25th, I feel as if my world shakes and more shit falls out of the trees and I'm gawking at these revelations with eyes wide shut....PLEASE.

I hear you. All of you - every single one of you tell me the same shit - and I know you don't want to wake up in the morning - I've considered driving into a tree for a bout 2.4 seconds the other day myself (I know, right?)....but C'MON.
We are all better than this - aren't we?
Somewhere deep down inside hope still lights - somewhere and we can all get ourselves out of this boat...can't we?

Life is not a giant episode of LOST is it?

I'd give anything to be in the arms of my beautiful friends right now - I could squeeze you and feel rejunvenated and know that there is a better life - outside of LAKE HARMONY.

Don't get me wrong.  Tonight - tiny miracles happened - really, at one point - I about cried in HOPE. But the tremors, the lip service, the chaos - for fuck sake.....motherfuckers.

Here's what I keep saying to everyone who is bitching about the "stress" in their lives:
Every stinking last one of us - around some dark corner or deep within our closets - or as in many others (and sort of in my case) - right out in the god - damn open.
We all have our shit. and it's SHIT.
No one should judge (my west coast talking)- I GET IT
But My MOM brought up a great point this past weekend ...
SOME OF US need to RECONSIDER - personal Morals and Values
& the things that super heros are made of (hence my east coast chiming in....)

I don't care what faith you are
I firmly believe that no one can save YOU but you.
You're God/Goddess will be their guiding - but you've got to get off the fucking couch, or out of your bed or the lousy job/situation you have - and put in the labor.  That's it.
Pick your shit up by the bootstraps and get to higher fucking grounds...
Better yet - elevate yourself to a higher level and don't move - be a better example for your family, your community.  FIX YOU. AND SHUT UP ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE.


Friday, July 2, 2010

There she Blows

Finally, it seems like forever, and yes a huge leap into the 21st century ...
I've launched my own dot com to house most of my pretties and more.

I also have resubmitted my novel, WolfWitch to a publishing house - so fingers crossed.

Happy Fourth of July Weekend Everyone.


In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...