Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Will be held tomorrow. I will no doubt write about it.
It's held over - from last week - the Gargoyle - I must remove said presence and .....yeah.
I'm ready. I think....

However - What I wasn't ready for - was this past Sunday - 
when I honestly felt like a semi - parlor trick 
upon entering the house of a family - who had lost their Father/Husband.
I made mention that I wasn't sure of my purpose - to the BMPS leader on our way to the location.

But what I really - wasn't expecting - at all, 
was the tears - shed - by me.
I could feel the frustration from the deceased - 
wanting to tell the women left behind to not make the same mistakes 
that he made - with his health - emotional over eating ......

I was embarrassed.  For myself - for them.  I never experienced the flow....of tears...yet.
And - It was a tough subject - I had brought food up so many times this week -for myself -  for others and the relationship between all of us....
I'll stop there with the serendipitous report - even though it goes much deeper but - 
for respect & privacy of my clients.

Also to my surprise - I found myself in a McDonald's drive through last night after grocery shopping - watching an altercation take place between two women - removed from their respective cars at the front of the line.......then.....I noticed what was parked in front of me......the women from Sunday's....'meeting'.

Wow.  We all are process.


I feel at a threshold.  
There are many changes and winds coming  - seasonal included.
I can't wait to be free of current prison's and opening new chapters. 
Change and transformation seem to be ideal para me. But I can't help but think that there is something bigger coming .....YOU?

I'm flattered to learn of a reader - who is also a writer in LA.  THANK YOU.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Most Unusual

Wednesday evening, surrounded by thunder & huge lightning bolts I swore were but blocks away from me.
Electricity abound...
I found myself in Palmerton to aid in a previous BMPS investigation of a residence suspicious of ghosts. Please note - I have not done such things with the group since the "hotel" this past April.
(& for the record /medical purpose - my left arm is indeed inflamed since this event and not prior for at least a week)

The rain chased us all the way to the front door where we were met by the teenage girl who resides there. 
Long legs and even longer blond hair, her skin obviously proud of it's pool side tan I admired upon entrance until I noticed that the premise, clutter with hundreds of antiques & collectibles from previous decades smelt of Yankee candles perhaps vanilla or sugar cookie.

After greeting the family with said inquiry - 
Bob and I headed upstairs - first our greeter's bedroom - a small - loft.  
I sat in the upstairs on the comfy love seat and "tuned in".
Flashes of Ouiga board and graveyard.  A gargoyle coming to life and following two blond girls....

"Whatever is here - is not family - it's attached to the children  - is there more than one daughter? I asked.

We proceeded to her bedroom. I sat on of the twin beds occupying the first born's room - closed my eyes and was alarmed when I realized
that sitting on the bed next to me
starring back and forth as if it's head were a pendulum - grinning ear to ungodly ear
was - what looked to me very  much like a gargoyle.
It smiled so wide and chuckled at us. I reached out my left hand to touch it - then reported my secret to Bob.

Descending to the first floor - this peculiar creature ran back and forth a top the stairs almost like a dog with two legs. 
"we got an EVP of footsteps back and forth on the stairs." Bob commented.

On the first floor - in the greeting room - 
I touched an old piano that brought on no sense of vibration what so ever. Then I sat on the wooden bench just across from it - while Bob proceeded to explain where the camera's were set up on the night of the investigation - as he spoke of a dark figure entering through the wall and proceeding up the stairs that they caught on film- I commented...
"it's separate from the gargoyle - this is more like a worker who doesn't want to give up his day job"....
I was shown a huge wave of fire - coals burning - and dark, black smudged hands.  
"what is your name?" I repeated until i heard a response.....

After this, we met with the family. I asked that the teenage daughter be present for what I had to say.
"Which of you played with the Ouija board and spent time in the Graveyard?" I asked.
"We both did." The apprehensive teen responded.
"Well, you invited something into your home - and from what I can tell - it's not harmful - other than it's attracted to you and your sister - like - (I pointed to the vanilla Yankee candle)
light. It lives in your attic space just next to your loft."

I had the mother conference in the other sister. After exchanging stories about the prophetic dreams she had since childhood - I instructed that as her and her sister go forth in life - Ouija boards or what not - they need to ask their higher power to protect them and with significant otherworldly events that would creep up in their lives - they could roll their eyes at such things or embrace them - it's their choice.  I told them they had a direct link to their higher power - a psychic knowing rooted in their family -  - 
The mother  confirmed this with more stories of five brothers and sisters all having the same feelings and dreams in times of chaos.

I made them aware of "Buddy"  and told them how he connects with the father - who is also blue collar. He is not going to harm a fly ....

But I did leave them - the teenager especially - with the fact that if something were to occur that was unpleasant - and she no longer wished to have a gargoyle living in her loft space - that she could let me know and I'd escort him out.

Driving home that evening I didn't know what to think.
Gargoyle?  Really?
Cue Unicorn - fairy or garden gnome!  I called my medium/mentor to ask about most unusal things - 

The next day when we did speak - 
she told me of such figure showing itself to me because of it's own perception that it could have been a hideously disfigured human  - not crossed over ....taking on new form - she then shared a similar story and immediately I was at ease.

The girl still living in the house remarked that she sees "the gargoyle' as the little boy from a top the stairs in the movie "The Ring" - this rang a bell for me - when Arlene mentioned the above.

"We got an EVP in the loft - a voice that said 'Look at the Lights'-" 
BOB explained - when I said that the being - was attracted to the girls - like a light to the Mother.

I get it. I do. 
But that night - I dreamt of vampires - and woke up - before speaking to Arlene wondering what of supernatural, incredible etc - 
IS possible from what I was shown??

I'm still - wondering - and wondering....about .....
most unusual events......

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Crying with strangers...

Saturday. The sun was out, the weather was warm and rain seemed just a bad dream we all need to escape. No trace of clouds hovered the muggy air when we opened the outside bar.

The first, older couple at my bar was familiar.  They spectated as I dodged and cringed when serving a boisterous woman (driving a motorcycle) who just came from finding Jesus in rehab her second chardonnay.  They also frowned with me - when the other bartender agreed to fetch red bull for said woman's Jaeger Bomb!

The nice couple obviously shared my discomfort and made eyes back at me when I looked to them in forgiveness for entertaining Jesus's hog driving sister's monologue about her son's first child (being born while she slapped one down in front of us) and the story of her son vowing to murder her, his own mother -  just the night before.

The muggy August air, thickened until finally she left.  
But not after politely hitting on husband o'friendly couple - to which sparked a 3 minute recap convo post her much anticipated  & highly viewed exit. It seemed to have sparked a bit of jealousy from wife o'friendly couple - which - I found endearing.

Par to course, I learned where they were from over the next two hours and eight, 16oz bottles of Coors Lite.  They yearned to own a house on the lake, visited with us last year and came back to our bar because they loved my mojitos.  (Then why waste $5 on piss beer? - I'll never know).

As fast as a crazy drunk lady loving Jesus on a motorcycle, we were chatting about living on the lake and Realtors one minute then took a nose dive deep into tears as the wife revealed her sister's passing just hours previous to our meeting at the bar.

I couldn't fight choking up. I came from behind the bar to greet her with embrace.  
"Why are you crying" Did you have a sister?" She asked -  confused as to my true reflection of her pain.
"She's not mad at you for not being there."  
She held me and sobbed.
"How did you know?" 
"I don't know what this means to you - but  - Karen and Alicia are telling me - to tell you - she's with everyone and she's free." 

Her husband stood from his chair and walked to the water. I realized then, I was grateful that the other bartender is deaf in one ear.  To him, to the other's sitting there quibbling over the heat, I was befriending an ole drunk lady at the bar who just got a little emotional over some beer and a lady hitting on her husband.

Before the couple left she came for one last hug.
"We're all just energy trapped in skin bags.  You're sister is free to move about.  She's all around us."

My arm flared up a little bit......and I'm ignoring it still - and the fact that said skin bags to the lady.....ugh.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sorry, that mailbox is full

Said the recording ...
"try again later"

My inbox clicks full of junk mail.  
My mailbox is full of medical bills. 

feeling a little disconnected, disconcerted even
perhaps just riddled with hormones as the moon and the month would schedule it that way
 it's all just process repeats as the broken record skips another beat in my brain

I need ten minutes of your time
...my time

leave a message.....

be something other than what's become of me, in this darkly lit room
looking for a reason as I hang up phone....no message

there's nothing more to bite into since I've already bitten off more than I care to chew 
in my new not so skinny yet, somewhat skinnier jeans.  

cover your mouth! she yelled. don't put another thing in it! 
... a wise tone as she licked her lips and fingers of day old barbecue sauce.

while the piper has come piping there isn't much to report in the way of glamour in our upcoming conversation yet to be scheduled at your earliest convenience
it's all shadows beneath rainbows that have been in hiding
there is no sparkle or glitter here
just crushed prescription pills, unpaid bar bills and disgruntled employees

yet the moon still shows up

beets and charcoal, fake flowers and ponytails
shiny, second hand earrings kissed with perfume
eye color aligned with stars and days of the week

yet, weaker still

running from a half crowded room, screaming 911 inside
i went searching for a beat to dance and became scared of the music, the fashion and the dealers with their lines that were stale and unwanted

light, dimly lit 
because the sun is feverishly chasing the rainbow which is hiding beneath the shadows of the staircase just outside the chapel door
waiting for an answer

I couldn't leave you messages even if I tried
your mailbox is always full
and I'm tired

In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...