Friday, July 31, 2009

CLUES.....


This past Monday ...
I woke up a bit alarmed from a nightmare.  

You know the kind where you're running 
& you just can't seem to get anywhere fast enough...
so you try leaping off the ground to fly...
but that doesn't work cause for some reason
it's all in slow motion....
and you're being chased by someone or 
something but you don't know what it is - 
well, that's normally how it goes - 

but in this case - I was running a marathon - 
which is highly unusual for my character since I follow in my 
Father's belief that running is truly a sport made for criminals.....
....I digress....

While I was pounding pavement in this dream...
I happened upon an ambulance, it's doors wide open
the crew members pounding on the chest of
My Father
I  watched as his body lifted, then jolted once more as they tried to revive him 
with paddles

I could hear the cry of the heart monitor
and I shouted - NO!

Someone I went to high school with ran up behind me, 
head band on, large number safety pinned to his chest 
he said
"keep running - your Dad would have wanted it that way."

Clear as day - this mid night movie replayed several times 
throughout the day - enough for me to make verbal note to 
Mr. Trinidad at work  - ask his opinion.
Careful - he said - your dad is gonna get sick.

Wednesday I was working, pouring beer, minding my own business - 
when suddenly an eruption of bagpipes silenced the chatter and laughter in the room.  
I can't be hearing things....not now....was this a sign?

A man entered the side door, dressed in kilt and such and kept his solo up a good 3 minutes.
My chest became heavy. 
I could not breathe in anticipation of hearing the same sound that 
my Father requested for his own funeral.
I choked back the palpable tears not wanting to explain my sudden, visible dismay.

Yesterday afternoon, 2:28pm. I answered my Father's cell phone call.
Hello?
Help me.
Silence.

I ran from my house as fast as I could and pounded the gas pedal 
into the floor of my decrepit car.

Stay with me Daddy, Stay with me.

I found my Father slumped over the kitchen table of pale gray and purplish color.
He could not lift his head to see me. His speech was slurred.
I couldn't make sense of what he was saying other than he was cold even though he was drenched in perspiration.  
The humidity was high - I was sure he was having a heat stroke.

Watching the EMT's enter my parents house one by one 
I remembered being part of a similar scene 
in San Francisco and thinking to myself on that day - 
I needed to be closer to my real family in case anything would like that would happen.......

When I rejoined the room - my father's policemen had arrived for duty, my father - delirious & vomiting.
I packed his things and met my mother who was sobbing in the drive.  
Neighbors literally came out of the woodwork to keep up with the small town gossip.

Driving to the hospital I couldn't help but think of what I dreamt, what I heard. Having this gift - whatever you want to label it - is like seeing a preview for a movie that hasn't been made yet where you get hints of the plot line and just anticipate the dramatic ending....

My Father is doing much better. We had a few good laughs over lunch today. He's back to normal skin color and spirits. I don't know what I would have done, had I not been able to respond to his call - so far away.  

I just want to acknowledge all of those who held their fingers crossed and called with concern after hearing the news spread like wild fire through these here...strange woods.  
My love to  you.

Deep Breath.
Everything for a reason -
As we are all but glorious process.



Wednesday, July 22, 2009

So, you think YOUR boss sucks?














Try having a DEAD boss make 
great demands of you at work...or in my case, 
freak on me - in my dreams.

Much to my dismay 
Dead Boss is back.  
He spoke to me on Sunday morning.  

Of course, He was angry & I - not wanting to deal with this 
horrible bully -insisted that he leave me alone.  
(please note, my left hand itched for 15 minutes after this event)

Now, for the record & to my great defense - 
there are 2 others at work who share the....
well the  "6th sense" or whatever you want to call it - with me.  
While they both can "see" I can, at this point - hear and feel.  

So I decided to first ask the young woman I'll call - Candy - if she had "seen"
 any activity or "people" in the restaurant.

Me: Hey Candy - glad to see you back at work (she'd called out sick the past 2 days) ...
listen, I was wondering, well, if you have "seen" anyone here lately - well...because, I keep hearing things.....
Candy:  (Eyes real big & out of character) NO. NO! I haven't seen anyone in a long time.  
Me: (Brow furrowed because Candy's face is totally not matching her response) 
OH, OK .... cause I even had these dreams....
Candy: (Again w. the weird face & big eyes) NOPE.  But there were boxes that fell -like jumped from the back of the shelf last week while I was in the basement looking for cups...
Me: OK, well - let's just touch base about it in the future ...I mean if you don't mind....

While pulling my car out of the parking lot, Candy jumped behind it and yelled
 STOP!
I rolled down the window and asked if she was OK.

Candy: I couldn't talk to you in there because whatever it is was standing right behind you - or near us, I could feel it everywhere. I've been feeling it. I'm so freaked out.
ME: OK.
Candy: I wasn't sick the last couple days - I was actually afraid to come to work - I had this dream - this angry old man, I'd never met or seen before- was here - he was yelling at me - telling me to say something to someone - I didn't understand - then he grabbed my arms and look.....
Candy lifted her right arm sleeve to reveal several small bruises.
Candy: I thought maybe it was my grandfather - so I told my mom...because I was so wigged when I woke up.
ME: NO. It's HIM.  I said. It's DEAD Boss. He's so mad.  He's trying any way he can to make his presence known - trying anyway for anyone to intervene to his son for him.  But I won't do it.  
Candy: I never met HIM.  Why would he do this to me? I'm scared to be here. I want to find another job.
ME: Talk to your mom.  Tell her everything I told you.  Let me know what she suggests.

Candy comes from a line of Voodoo...  Her Grandmother being said to be of black magic.

I went to the basement yesterday - apologized to Dead Boss for any  disrespect I may have caused him but told him that it was NOT OK to hurt others and I would do everything in my power to make sure he didn't.  My hand became inflamed for the next 30minutes.....

There is one more person at work - that I could ask -  3 people to confirm means, I'm not crazy x's 3.  
And so I waited until we were alone.

ME: Hey, can I ask you - have you seen Dead Boss around lately?
MR. Trinidad:  Sunday night he was here on the deck. 
ME:  Sunday??
MR. Trinidad:  Yeah - I was sittn alone,  head in me hands, so tired -  was lookin to da ground when he come round da corner and ask me how everyteen was doin
and I say good man - and den I look - and I saw eem.
ME: Ok, that's all I needed to know.  

Me: I suppose that this is the ultimate test - just - screaming in my face.
Since joining BMPS, my conviction has become much stronger -  that those who have passed on MUST cross over because their time here is not only up but when they linger - it obviously causes mass interference to our reality.  I have witnessed this several times personally.
So....
I'm leaving now to go talk to my superiors.  
Report back soon.


Friday, July 17, 2009

Bittersweet.

Sitting on the lake with an old acquaintance talking about stuff and things.
The conversation somehow...always....takes a turn for ...death.
He told me a story of his grandfather passing - it was last year this time. He spoke of being in the hospital with him-he was amazed- how he was the only one to receive clear answers from "poppy" as he had a bit of dementia on his way out - at 95 years of age.

Then, 
Francis kept repeating in my head.
Ask him my name. It's Francis.

I wouldn't do it.....I didn't want to interrupt.

Ask him my name. 

I took a deep breath.  And said....
Sometimes people tell me things. 
A lot of the time, for some reason or other - the conversation turns to death.

I'm sorry - Am I freaking you out? he asked.

No.  Just listen.  (Insert another deep breath here).  
What was Poppy's name?

Frank.

Well, I hear - Francis - say that you were more like a son to him than a grandson.

What?  How did you know what his name was? His name was Francis - people called him Frank.

Because - I can hear him.  He wants you to know that he's still here for you - during this time of stress and anger and confusion.  He's here if you want to talk to him.

Tell him - he doesn't have to to be.  
He knows - he just wants you to know that he loves you and he's here.

Of course, I told him the rest ....of how this keeps happening - of how I'm just looking for answers to things that I attract ....

This is really neat - but you shouldn't go around telling people....

I know....It's crazy.

Crazy got a rejection letter from the BIG NY Agent who requested the first 3 chapters of my novel.

No champagne toast today.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

As you transcend, so shall your foundation shake

as in the law of opposites.....
or as Bible hurling Christians will have it 
the "devil" will test you as you seek to be closer to God.

I get it.

This is what the experience of my"illness" is. 
And since my last entry, I have addressed whatever it is that is making me not perform 100% 
to my healthy abilities right now; demanding that it leave.
I burnt sage, took a shower and all the while repeated, 
"you have no permission to make a home within my body. i am a healthy, vibrant woman."

Since doing so (Sunday) I've also weaned myself off medication 
and have felt better than I have in weeks.

It is the power of positive suggestion people and I am proof that it works.  
Now don't misread me, I'm not saying I miraculously cured whatever Thyroid thing I may be encountering but what I am saying is I truly recognize this event as a test - 
while I declared becoming a voice, vessel & channel for the universe through Metaphysiques - my body was/is subject to "change". It's all process, part of the plan even.  Learn as we go.  

I get it.

I've also demanded aloud, at work, (while blaring Dave Matthews) 
that Dead Boss take a  F*%ng hike.  
He did not pay me the time of day while he was living so he has no right to make such demands of me from the dead.  This is his dilemma, his karma if you will - not mine.  
He also has no right to physically attack me or cause me harm even if in life he was a bully- 
and should he even attempt to do so again, my reaction next time won't be as polite.
The great news is - I have NOT heard or seen him since.  Which is not to say that he's gone from lurking around the goings on at work.  I'm just not permitting him to impose his visits on me.

I am currently now in study on how to call on "higher" guns per say so 
that something like this does not affect me in such a harmful way ever again.  

I'm also learning that other mediums have been subject to illness because, let's face it - energy takes....energy.  However, I won't stand for being sick while wanting or hoping to help others here or "there".  It's not part of my intention, plan or Metaphysiques for that matter.

Ok, enough about me.  
Let's talk about URANUS.

Every time a planet comes back into Earth's orbit after being gone for a certain amount of time (enter URANUS), it does bring a tremendous amount of change, breakups, transformation, even death.
There's also two lunar eclipses this month one this past tuesday (also the full moon) which translates random people pouring in and out of your life, your work load increasing......

It's so interesting to see and follow how - as  we are all connected and part of such a bigger picture that other grand planets we don't even think about (Uranus) & events we wouldn't even consider (2 lunar eclipses) increase the probability and likeness of change within our own little world.

Ok then - until next time, 
God is love, you are loved and telling a 
friend today that you honor  
their friendship could be a great conversation starter.

XO






Sunday, July 5, 2009

Sleep to Dream


The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of 
Dermatologist visits &  begrudgingly accepting needles, razors & 
burns in my arm then shelling out lots of cash for prescripts which
I'm not sure are helping.

Because as days go on...
I feel just....AWFUL.

And it seems, that with all the 
blood extracted from me, 
that the findings are alerting 
my razor & needle 
happy Doc that I'm
Allergic To The Sun. 

(I know, insert Vampire jokes here).

I work OUTSIDE
...for the past 3 summers.
How did this suddenly happen?

The most recent round of blood samples suggests my Thyroid is off.  
Meaning I have to see a different Doctor for more tests/needles, blood stuffs.
BUT, in studying the mind/body/emotional connection to humans and disease - this seems to be a communication issue - an aggressive perfectionist vs. peacekeeper  - to sum it up what I personally have coined for years 'my East Coast VS. my West Coast'.

IE: I want to shout at the top of my lungs why I'm angry & still semi judgmental but then, we should hug it out and be friends - perhaps paint a picture & dance together.......

But then there is a camp of thinking - that my challenge is more metaphysical then medical.
The recent fact that "Helen" was an attachment - & pulled from my skin (to which, it has just been confirmed via phone on Friday - HELEN owned the hotel BMPS investigated (see pictures/blog below)- as well as her daughter who lived there - was also named HELEN).  

And....

I hadn't had an outbreak of this flaming, after midnight, skin rash until 
I started vividly dreaming about my dead, very angry - boss.

Hear me out. (perhaps writing it all - will help with my condition...)

As you may or may not know, with any physical work/addition to an existing building or foundation - vibrations are shook, energy raised and doors - opened.  
Well, at work, (where dead boss has been lurking) 
*there is a new kitchen being put on &
*a sushi bar was added in the dining room.  
A handful of other issues have also surfaced like 
*broken ice machine(s)
*computer/phone wires cut, 
*roof leaking in women's bathroom
*faulty beer taps
*constant rain (28 days in June
*customer dismay over the new, more expensive menu.  
I'd also like to add that the new head chef, hired to save the place quit as well as three of the line cooks and business well, you can say has been on a major decline.

Oh great - as I type, it's starting to itch.  Here we go.

For the record, New Boss is Dead boss's son who inherited Dead Boss's legacy -
eateries, real estate...blah blah blah.

Still with me?

Last week Dead Boss showed up in my dreams.
The first night - 
I stood behind the bar, New boss stood behind his father's infamous barstool.
Dead boss stood behind him, face red, fist in the air.
Both men, pleading for my attention as I just stood there .....watching.
New boss asked why I wasn't paying attention to him - or looking @ him when he spoke.
Dead boss was making demands of me - to tell communicate his unhappiness - because he knew I could see/hear him.  (I'll leave out the gory details & name calling.....)
I put up both my hands and said
"I refuse to get involved".

When I woke up I had felt like I ran a marathon - 
I had slept eight hours and it felt like I never laid to rest at all.

Two nights later
Same damn dream scenario.
Same local.....same everything.
Again, I put up both my hands - and said "No. I won't do this."

It was 2am.  I jolted awake. 
My left hand on fire, itching - swollen, twice the size of normalcy.
The sun had hardly been out that day. Is this really an allergy? Shit. 
For the next two hours I would deal with the 
physical pain and question what was happening to me.....

And still.....I question - what is happening to me?

The next day I told Dr. Razor & Needle that I had new, sudden, asthmatic symptoms....because I did.  I was having great trouble breathing to which she prescribed an inhaler & nasal spray.

Awesome. My purse is now a drug store.

With the blessing of discernment do I get to choose who I want to help and who I don't?
I can't get involved in family/work related politics especially when all NEW BOSS is known for unfriendly social skills, silver spoon ego and did I mention he does nothing but make fun of me....every time we meet?  
Not that I mind, because to me - he's such a frat boy stuck in a 45 year old's body - acting out every time I see him 'out' (my east coast)- and for me - it's hard not to feel sorry for him (my west coast). 
But at the same time I know how horrible a communicator he is - how volatile he's been - hence head chef quitting (& one of the line chef's who quit was my partner and & a sore subject at present)
why would I ever volunteer conversation with 
BTY saw your dead dad and he- thinks you're a flaming idiot too.......

Good God.

Dead Boss hasn't come back to my dreams since the second time I said no.  I also said out loud that he doesn't have permission to speak to me in such tones. But he's very angry and he's still lurking at the work place.  

So here in lies my communicaton/spiritual/physical/mental/work/reality - 
paranormal-drama. Am I suffering because I refuse to communicate? 










In 2008, I had postpartum depression. It was so severe that I had impending thoughts of doom, daily. "What if I left the stove on an...